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Where to Begin…

35 years old and I still don’t know what I am doing with my life. And as I am typing this, I am listening to an audio that I’m supposed to be listening to learn about Knowledge for a training class that I started almost 2 weeks ago. It’s a call center which is work from home. My first work from home job that I thought I wanted to do. Do I? Maybe if I actually wanted to work for this company or maybe if it was easier. I will admit, if I don’t like what I’m doing, I will half ass it. But maybe I just half ass everything I do. Maybe that’s why I am where I am today. There is for sure a lot of information that we, meaning our training class is needing to know to do our jobs . By the way, started with 55 people, we are now down to 40. Its only the end of our second week.

And so as I am supposed to be listening to this and watching this video for work, I am thinking of what I can do to make extra money or just not have a regular job, so I google, “how to make extra money” and come up with lots of ideas on the Google search. I thought about doing Youtube videos but I’m not one to be in front of the camera. But maybe in the near future if this catches on, there will be a Youtube video. I don’t like being the center of attention. And those of you who know me know that. Which I don’t think many of you do know me. I just let you know what I want you to know about me. There’s a lot that I don’t say because, well, its none of your business or I just don’t want to talk. I’ve done things I’m not really proud of and there are people in my life that I have known for years that they still don’t know a lot about me.

Have you ever been around someone who just likes to talk about themselves and doesn’t care about what the other person has to say? I have, a lot. Not sure why people just think about themselves and not anyone else. I love hearing what other people have to say and so I listen. I’ve always been told I am a good listener. That’s true. Its also true that I like to be heard every once in awhile. Although I may not speak up at times or speak my mind because my whole life I have been shy. I have come out of my “shell” as they say. And I wouldn’t take it as being shy now. I would say its just not wanting to say anything a lot of the time. Maybe because I just don’t want to talk or maybe because I don’t have anything to say. Either way, I feel I have grown a lot since I was a kid. We’ll get into more of that later on if you’re still reading.

So I may not be the smartest person or the best ‘anything’ actually but I am the one and only person who knows me and I know that I am capable of doing this and making something of it. I am someone to me and am a human being and have feelings and all that other good stuff just like every single person in the world does.

I don’t really think about the negative. It just weighs you down when you think about the negative things in life. I try and stay positive. And hope for the best. Now I’m just rambling. But this is what I started this blog for. To ramble, to be heard, by all of you when you just sat there and talked about yourselves and I listened. Its my turn to talk now…

Women

So I believe things happen for a reason. It may not be a good reason but there is a reason for everything. Such as me moving here to Las Vegas last year and making a life for myself here. It wasn’t a hard decision for me to make. I didn’t have really anything keeping me in California any longer. That’s probably a bit harsh for some of you to hear but it’s how I feel. A lot has happened in my life in the past couple years. Such as me quitting a job of 10 years and my grandmother who raised me since I was 8 years old passed away. I stayed with the company for that long because of the pay, no one would pay me what I got paid for being there 10 years and free benefits starting. So I worked for a grocery store for 10 long years of my life. I started when I was 23 and left when I was 33. That was my longest job. Crazy. I wouldn’t say it wasn’t worth my time because I have met some very wonderful people and not so wonderful people in the 10 years I worked with the company. Including in that short list is a friend that I’d like to call my friend and a mother to me, Lisa which I have known for the past 6 years.

I started working at Food Maxx in San Jose, California in late 2013 when I met Lisa. She is a woman in her 50’s and has been married for over 25 years. We got along really well for me being her supervisor and her being the checker. As the years went by we became closer and I would confide in her and tell her things that I couldn’t tell anyone else. She’s become my 3rd mom and a best friend to me. She’s also helped me out over the years with a lot, not just with advice but also issues that have come up and also financially.

The reason why I am on the topic of women is because of my grandmother, Martha. She lived to be 75 years young. She is the reason I am who I am today. I was 8 years old when I went to stay with my grandma for the summer. My oldest sister who was 11, was already living with her at the time. I was just supposed to stay for the summer because I didn’t want to live with my mom anymore. That’s another story for another blog. So when it comes time to leave because school is about to start, I tell my grandma I don’t want to go back.

Fast forward to 2017, it had been 25 years, give or take a few months somewhere in there, that I lived with my grandma. November 31, 2017 was the day that she had passed. I remember like it was yesterday. I had experience losing a friend that I had known since we were sophomores in high school to me 8 years before but no one as close to me as my grandmother was. I knew it was coming so I tried to prepare myself but no matter what, out of everyone I took it the hardest. Even as I write this its hard to put down in words what I was feeling from the time she went into the hospital til the end of her life and even now. Just thinking about that day makes me tear up.

She raised her 3 kids, plus 4 grand kids for a good part of our lives. I’m one of those grand kids. This woman that I called Grandma raised me for 25 years of my life. She did so much for me and for the other 3 grand kids that she raised as well.

There’s so much more I wanted to write but this is just to let you know who these special women are to me and how much they have changed my life for the better and continue to.

Thank you for everything you both have done for me and continue to do for me.

Some more about me…

Its bloggers block, is that a thing?

I had ideas when I was at the gym this morning and everything that I was thinking of just left my brain. Oh yeah, I remember. The gym was an idea of me writing about today. So I started going to the gym about 3 weeks ago. Actually I started back May 18th to be exact. I signed up for the gym membership back about 6 months ago, which was January of this year. I signed up when they had the deal going on, if you signed up its a $1 and then only $10 a month with no commitment. So I did it. I think in the first month I got it I probably went about twice in that whole month and then started back up 3 weeks ago. Yeah I know, a waste of money. But I have been consistent for the most part these past 3 weeks. I am proud of myself for sticking to it.

When I was a kid I was overweight, by 50 pounds I would say. I still consider myself to be overweight but only about 25 pounds. And if you look at me and think, no, Michelle you like fine. I would say thank you but I know Im not fine. I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life. I was thin when I was a kid but as I got older and into my teenage years, I started putting on the weight. Maybe because my grandmother would make potatoes, bacon, eggs, tortillas just about everyday. And of course I would eat because it was delicious food. And no one said anything to me. I didn’t get made fun of when I was a kid, maybe a comment here and there but nothing too bad. I did hear someone once say to my grandma that I was overweight. I knew I didn’t like that feeling that someone that was part of my life had said that. I was probably about 12 or so when I heard that being said. And still didn’t do anything about it. I guess I didn’t know any better.

As the years went by I learned to eat healthier and exercise but again I didn’t like working out so I half assed it. I lost a little bit of weight but then started eating crappy again and put the weight back on. It wasn’t til I discovered a lifestyle change or you would probably call it a diet, called Keto. I would say a lot of people are against it. That’s only because they haven’t done their research on it and so they dont agree with it. But I am all for it. I did some research on it and even started following a couple on Youtube. They have helped me and taught me so much about it. So when I was living in Fresno, California for a year in 2017, I started Keto and was telling everyone about it. Even customers at work who I noticed would be buying foods that were low in carbs, I would ask if they were doing Keto and then we would just start a conversation about it.

So I was doing really well and had lost about 15 pounds and that’s without working out. I would say I was pretty strict until I wasn’t. I moved here to Las Vegas and was still doing Keto and then I guess you could say I fell off the wagon. I started drinking beer with friends and eating more carbs than I usually would on Keto. And for those of you who don’t know anything about Keto, here’s a quick lesson on it. The Ketogenic diet is eating 20 grams of carbohydrates or less a day, therefore you’re in state of Ketosis. For most people, I would say they wouldn’t want to give up anything they eat because that’s the kind of food they have always known and loved and wouldn’t give it up for anything. Its not as hard as you think. Some people say, you only live once, why not live happy and eat whatever you want. I say, why not live the healthiest you can and live as long as you can. You don’t have to give up everything you eat on a regular to be happy. Its a choice I made and I’m glad I did. So back to the gym…

So my friends husband showed me some things at the gym one day a couple weeks ago. He showed me what different arm and leg work outs I could do and to change it up. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Trying to change up my work outs has helped me. I’ve noticed a bit of a difference for sure. Ill post some pictures in about a month or so and if anyone has any tips or tricks for when they work out, I would love to hear them!

So along with doing Keto, I will also be working out at least 3 times a week. And if anyone has any keto recipes they would like to share, you can send them my way!

Purple is my favorite color

Its day 2 of this blog site. I was and am really nervous of what people think. I do and I don’t care in a way. You can’t change peoples minds on what they think or feel towards someone or something. They just do. The reason I am really nervous is because its almost as if I am intimate in a way that I’ve never been with anyone before in my life. And very vulnerable. In a way it is easier to put words down on paper or in a blog than it is to say them verbally to someone in person or in this case, my followers.

Some people have it all figured out. From the time they were a kid they knew what or who they were going to be when they grew up. I thought I knew too. When I was about maybe 6 or 7 I thought I wanted to be a ballerina or a tap dancer. Yes a tap dancer. I saw that movie when you know that guy from that famous tap dancing movie was out…Just googled it, Gregory Hines in Tap, came out in 1989. Just goes to show how old I am. I was 5 when it came out. That’s when I thought I wanted to be a tap dancer. I thought it looked cool and fun. Even had my own pair of tap dance shoes when I was a kid. Not sure about being a ballerina. I just did. And then as the years went by, I wanted to be a teacher. But then I learned how much teachers make and decided not to. But thank you to all of the people who are teachers.

I started watching this show called Criminal Minds, thanks to my grandmother, Martha. She loved all the criminal shows and I would watch them with her sometimes. Then there was some questionable ones as well, I wont mention them cause theyre not as good as Criminal Minds or SVU. So I would sit there and watch Criminal Minds and think maybe thats something I could do. I would like to find out why he stabbed her 50 times and not just once, or why he kidnapped a woman in her 30s, brunette and not a blonde. But I am 35 years old and in 2019 with no degree still. Not that thats a bad thing. Theres a lot of people out there with no degree and love what they do.

This is how I see it. I am alive and not starving. I have a roof over my head, I pay my bills, sometimes late but they get paid. I have a couple of friends in my life and Im living life the way I want it.